I was reading about the “Oscar curse” in an article last month, before the actual awards show. There was a list of female Oscar winners, Halle Berry and Reese Witherspoon among them, who’d been dumped by their partners soon after getting the award. The author wondered whether there was a correlation. It made the whole thing sound like a pattern people could not quite explain. Now, Kate Winslet and Sandra Bullock are faced with cheating husbands.

I don’t tend to read about celebrities in general, but this made me kind of sad. I like these actresses. They are successful, good at what they do, and they just seem so nice. What were their partners thinking? Then it got me wondering whether men are somehow turned off by the success of a woman, or whether successful women attract men who want more for themselves. Sometimes success can shine a light on insecurities that were already there.

Jesse James and Sam Mendes are both very successful in their careers, so did having affairs give them a sense of power or entitlement that they didn’t feel at home? Or maybe, like Tiger Woods, an opportunity presented itself and they couldn’t just say no. It takes a strong person to live under someone else’s limelight, and an even stronger one to admit jealousy. That kind of honesty is not easy, but it matters.

People shouldn’t apologize for their own success or try to underplay it to make a partner feel better. At the same time, career success isn’t the way to define your worth in a relationship. If it was, then what would happen when you have a career setback? I’d like to know from you lovely people: Have you dated someone who was more successful than you? Did you ever feel less than, and how did you handle yourself in that situation?